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Gail and Lillian

GAIL AND LILLIAN

"I was starting to feel I was becoming myself and being true to myself."

Gail and Lillian are like peas in a pod. They are the kind of couple that leave you feeling slightly envious, their devotion obvious. It's as if Gail and Lillian have arrived, they are finally home. Coming out later in life has given them great insight into the special needs and obstacles that older lesbians face with regard to their identity and the services that are available to these women.

"There's a lot of older women, and they don't know what it is, but they know their life is not satisfactory. They find it very hard to talk to somebody about it because they think they are the only ones. We knew of a couple that were together for forty-eight years. They told no-one. They thought they were odd," Lillian reflects. Lillian came out at sixty, after thirty-five years of marriage, a couple of kids and a lifetime of waiting. It was only when her husband passed that she felt free from obligations and expectations.

Gail came out at forty, but had a few closeted relationships up until then. The relief she felt when she made her first efforts to be part of the lesbian community is palpable, even as she describes it today. "If I don't meet some women soon, I am gonna go bonkers. Just people to talk to and go out with," she told a friend. She heard about Lynx, a support group for lesbians, it wasn't the first time this group had been mentioned. "I always think your whole life is pointed in a direction and it just happens you know? You don't have to try too much, just be open to what's there. I was starting to feel I was becoming myself and being true to myself. I wasn't living in a vacuum."

Both women volunteer with the Matrix Guild of Victoria, an organisation originally formed by a group of women to raise money for a nursing home for lesbians. The concept has evolved to providing support for older lesbians in their own homes, according to specific needs. The initial impetus to solve the lack of care and understanding in mainstream nursing homes has been channelled into a research paper, financed by the Reichstein Foundation. They document the experiences of those living in supported care, but also the attitudes of staff and other clients. It's a slow process as not many elderly lesbians are 'out' in the nursing homes due to prevailing homophobic attitudes. Once all the information has been gathered, the paper will be sent to parliament. "And hopefully when that gets there, they will work upon it and legislate, so we are recognised," says Lillian.

Gail and Lillian are proud of their high profile within the gay community, they enjoy being role models for younger gays. Lillian remembers a young gay couple telling her, "We always wondered what happened to lesbians when they get old." But then Lillian relates the struggle of a young lesbian teen coming to terms with her identity and confessing, "'I thought I didn't have a future.' She was at the point where she thought, 'Do I kill myself or is there something for me?'"

These days Gail and Lillian are just as relaxed as can be. "We don't rush around and scream it from the roof tops, but if anyone asks us…" Together for nine years, Lillian states, "We are more settled and ready and now it's just like we have been together always."

"Yes, very comfortable," agrees Gail.